Going to Church is Impossible.

“What church do you go to?”

I get asked this question all the time. Depending on where you live, you might get asked this a lot as well.

Honestly, I struggle to answer this question both honestly and compassionately, and without sounding pretentious or judgmental.

The problem is that, biblically speaking, “going to church” isn’t a thing. In scripture, the church is not a place you go; it’s a people to which you belong.

How can you “go to” something like that? You can’t.

I’m not saying that local expressions of the church are wrong. What I am saying, however, is that if we simply equate the church with a once-per-week gathering in a specific place at a specific time with a specific liturgy, we are greatly limiting what the church is and who can be a part of it.

We like to say that “anyone is welcome” in church, but the truth is that our expressions of the church rarely adapt to the people around us. Instead, we expect the people to adapt to the expression. And that is wrong.

Form must follow function. As Jesus himself said about the sabbath, “Sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath.” The same principle applies here with the church.

It’s a difficult needle to thread when answering the question, “where do you go to church.” Currently, if I don’t feel like the person has the time or interest enough for me to flush out the nuance, I tend to stumble through some sort of explanation that causes them to not ask more questions…something like “right now we feel called to experiment with what it looks like to do church (setting aside the issue that church isn’t something you “do” either…) outside of the normal Sunday gathering.” This usually sparks a short conversation about the idea of home-church, which leaves the person marginally confused, yet satisfied enough not to think I’ve totally lost my mind.

What I really want, though, is to be able to cast a compelling vision of a community that is truly open to anyone, especially those who have been burned or burnt out by the church…for those who are outsiders, doubters, failures, and fakes. I want to see a community form for the religious misfits, where people can be honest about themselves and experience the radical, reckless grace of Jesus. It’s a diverse family where everyone comes from different walks of life and no one feels the need to posture or pretend. It’s a people where everyone is encouraged to participate with the gifts that God has given them, but no one is required to because Jesus has already done all that is required of them on their behalf.

I want a community that shares great meals together. A people who pray when prayer is needed, teach when learning is needed, and sing when someone has a song. A community with many parents, grandparents, and children. A community that doesn’t have insiders and outsiders. A community that serves the greater community, not because of an agenda, but because they love one another and they are part of the greater community.

My family recently moved to Tulsa, a city that we love. Part of that move is a hope to see a community like this formed. We have no timetable. We have no goals or benchmarks. We have no desire to create a brand or a budget. We want to see a community like this naturally form from our norms and networks, and from the norms and networks of the friends we find along the way.

As to how I’ll answer the question, “where do you go to church?,” I’m still not really sure of the best approach. But my hope is that I’d discover a way to talk about it that might draw anyone seeking the same kind of community.